Sometimes we get it Right

 

He told him what was for snack today.

Tonight, when I was exiting my son's bedroom in order to let my husband have a turn at goodnight, I overheard my son tell his dad what he had for snack at school.
For almost two years, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday this was a regular thing. My husband has a gift at getting information out of our boys. His secret is that he avoids the mom-like open ended questions. He never says, "what did you do?" or " What was fun?". Instead he goes for the black and white information. How many kids in class today? What was for snack? It's pure genius really. It became such a routine that my son would ask, if too much time had passed at dinner, "don't you want to know what was for snack?".
The best part of this was that he gave a retelling of snack and attendance with such enthusiasm that it was clear to anyone in the room that he adored his school and had his teachers as high on a pedestal as one can possibly go.
Then we moved and from March to June we never heard one word about how school was. It was heartbreaking.

The preschool we enrolled him in was fine. The teachers seemed nice. The school is lovely. But there was something. It was a gut feeling that I made the wrong call. I had no idea why but I just thought this school and my boy didn't fit.
I worried aloud to my husband who assured me the boy was fine and that we had just moved to a new state with an entirely new schedule and of course he might seem a little off. Don't blame the school. Don't blame yourself.
I agreed with him-mostly. But the days went on and we started to settle in to a routine and the school piece of the puzzle still seemed wrong.
Then one night, when I was worrying aloud-again- my husband said, "he never tells me about snack."
That was it. That's what was wrong. He thought school was fine. He didn't love it. He didn't race home to tell me about it. He didn't share with dad what he had for snack. Liking school is fine. Thinking school is fine is acceptable. Except-he used to love it. So liking it actually wasn't fine.
This post isn't about the mistake that I made last year. So much of parenting, for me anyway, is about second guessing my decisions. I used to be good at making decisions without looking back.When I only had myself to consider, I was somewhat of a slash and burn decision maker. Now, every decision I make on behalf of my kids is wrought with concern, and discussing and dissection and concern.
When really, what I should do more of is pay attention to my gut. My gut tells me when my kids don't fit. My gut also tells me when something is exactly right. My gut was on the money last year when I walked into the preschool I have my son enrolled in this fall.

Last May I walked through the doors of what I shall call Heaven for Children and I knew instantly this is where my children needed to be. It was warm and bright and everyone smiled. It smelled like paint. The bulletin board outside the office was littered with fliers. My boy, who was with me, skipped-literally- through the halls. I enrolled him on the spot. The people in the office thought I was nuts. I told them it felt like home. I tried to convey, unsuccessfully, how overjoyed I was at finding them. For the first time since I set foot in New Jersey I felt like we could stay and be just fine.
I was right. I was so right.
I just spent the day being the helper in my son's preschool class at Heaven for Children. To say that it was an enjoyable experience is wildly inadequate. I am not sure words can express how I felt this morning. My heart physically hurt from being so full. My cheeks were also sore because I could not wipe the stupid grin off my face for 3 hours. My eyes welled with tears at least four different times.
We sang songs. We read stories. We painted and we played kitchen. We made a book together. We ate snack and played spy on the playground. While we did all these glorious things, my toddler had the time of his life with his "teacher" Miss Penny in the childcare room. He also came home and told dad all about his "school" today.
Not only was I proud of my little men, who were having such a ball learning and playing (and learning through play) that one of them left me without even a glance backward and the other could have cared less that his mom stayed in his class all day (to my relief). But I was also proud of myself, for listening to my gut last spring and making the decision that lead to this bliss.
Tonight, he told his dad what we had for snack.
Sometimes, my decisions deserve no second guessing.

This post originally appeared on New Jersey Moms blog. It was then syndicated by The McLatchy Company and appeared in their online newspapers in cities nationwide.

The End is Near

Moving on

No, this isn't a post about hurricanes.
Although I must admit Irene had me completely unwound. Having never lived this close to shoreline AND a river, I was not prepared for a storm like this in a town like this. I survived with just one (damageless) downed tree and so did most of my friend even though the flooded streets, destroyed beach fronts and downed power lines made it all touch and go for a while, so I won't dwell.

What I mean by the end is near is that for a few weeks I've been contemplating ending this little ole' blog. When I created Right Hand Mom, I originally envisioned merging the two websites into one. Then at the 11th hour I panicked about letting go of The Traveling Circus and decided to just maintain them separately. I thought RHM would be more of a resource site and TTC would still be my daily meanderings. I figured they'd have two different voices and purposes and audiences.

Guess what? I'm not so good at that. I have one voice and it's pretty meandering. Yes, RHM started with resources and reviews and a more informative style. But pretty quickly my style won out and even if some of the posts are informative, they still have a whole lot of my meandering and plenty of pictures of my kids. Right Hand Mom is just as personal and I haven't really held back any of my own self-making these two blogs somewhat redundant for readers and more than I can keep up on a daily basis.

So, why not stop Right Hand Mom? That's a great question and I might regret that decision later. I have more readers here. I have a history here. This is my first baby. I am emotionally tied to The Traveling Circus as the love story of my life.

But The Traveling Circus didn't start with any direction thus it isn't a step in a future path. I didn't start here to be a Blogger, but it seems that's exactly what I've become and it's quite alright with me.
Traveling Circus is a great name to describe my crazy family and all our stories. But the kids' stories will be fewer and fewer as they get older and earn the exclusive right to decide how and with whom those stories should be shared.

I'll still write about being a mom and woman. I'll share about starting a new business and how I cook and take pictures and listen to music and clearly, I'll share their photos for as long as they'll let me.  But everything I write will have to be with more sensitivity to the young lives I'm writing about. My blogs will be less about the kids and more about what it's like to raise them and The Traveling Circus doesn't really encapsulate that going forward.  In fact, if you google TTC, you now get the website of a punk rock band which does seem fitting for this clan now and again but doesn't really work for us long term.

Going forward, you can find daily stories, fortunes and foibles over on Right Hand Mom. I will eventually either transfer this URL over there or keep it as history so the last three years will remain.
If you've out grown us and can't possibly add another URL to your readers, I understand but know that you will be missed. If you can, I'd love if you came to follow us there.

I love writing this blog and while it first started as a way for me to work things out, it has turned into a wonderful connection to everyone who reads it. I so appreciate all of you who come here and share with me. I hope you'll continue on the journey over at RHM but if not then I bid you a fond farewell and say thank you to everyone who reads. You made the Traveling that much easier.

Wordless Wednesday-Mah Men

Delicious.

Money, Money, Money, Money

A long and winding road money story over at Right Hand Mom today. Visit if you dare.

Wordless Wednesday:Summertime and the Livin's Easy

They Do Exist

I was sick last week, strangely, mid-winter flu sick. I was also on vacation so it was a double-suck situation. Luckily, we were on vacation at my in-laws which is only twenty minutes south of our house  so I could travel back to my own doctor which I did out of desperation on day three. I almost never go to the doctor as my past experience has been that you wait for hours after your appointment time to get in only to see a professional (almost never the actual doctor) for less than ten minutes and maybe you leave with some relief but often you leave with more questions. I am not a big fan of adult doctors, as you can imagine.


The morning of my appointment The Girl woke up complaining that her chest hurt. Usually, I would pass this off as too much time in the ocean (remember those days?) but she looked pretty panicky every time she tried to take a deep breath so I threw her in the car with me in the hopes a doctor could take a look.

I have the strange fortune of having a Family Doctor. Remember those from the good old days of medicine? They are doctors who can take care of the whole family. They're almost like an endangered species now that everyone has a specialty and you often have to be in four different offices for one problem. We got lucky when we found him which we only did because he is married to our pediatrician. So, (Mr.) Dr. Mehra is our the GP for mom and dad and Mrs. Dr. Mehra takes care of the kids. Ya follow? 
We see Mrs. Dr. Mehra A LOT. I mean, three kids? We're in there weekly it seems. We adore her. Not only is she efficient and gets us in and out quickly, but she is also kind and gentle,  thorough and personable, realistic and everything else you want in a pediatrician. She gets us in and out without every making us feel rushed.

She has been with me and The Baby for every bizarre thing I take him in for and she was there when The Middle One has his breakdown after we moved. She holds my hand every time without a hint of condescension and advises me how to proceed that will most benefit my babies and me. I love her. Truly.

I almost never see Mr. Doctor. The Husband goes for antibiotics once a year and I get reminder calls for physicals that I never follow up on. He seems lovely, but I really don't know for sure as my aforementioned distaste for adult medical doctors keeps me away more often than not.


Well, last week not only did Mrs. Doctor sneak in my girl for a quick check-up, but she spent a good deal of time examining and explaining her diagnosis and treatment. Turns out it was nothing serious, but it was more than too much ocean swimming-though She confirmed that is something She sees so I'm not just making it up!

After Mrs. Doctor left our room, Mr. Doctor came in and spent so much time talking to me I thought I might be in therapy and not checking for Strep. He asked a million questions, took all my vitals (himself!) and then explained his thoughts so thoroughly that I fell in mad-doctor love. The kicker was when he faxed in my prescription so I didn't have to wait at the pharmacy, then spent a good five minutes going over the written chart he gave me that had a schedule for when and how to take the meds to ensure optimum results and go easiest on my system. At this moment, when I started to get a wee bit antsy, I gave myself a mental slap and reminded myself that this was the kind of medical treatment most people dreamed of.

I knew I adored our pediatrician. Now, I know I will stick with my big girl doctor and eventually transition my kids over to Him too when they're old enough. In all the current media madness where all we hear is how we have to reform health care or how everything is turning to minute clinics and doctor pill pushers,  it's good to be reminded that there  are mostly still doctors out there who genuinely care. There are doctors who remain true to their oath to do no harm but also step it up a notch and really get to  know their patients and work hard to make their lives better. There are great doctors out there and I know for sure some are right here in Jersey.

*This post was inspired by the book In Stitches, a memoir by Doctor Anthony Youn, a plastic surgeon with a heart. The book is surprisingly funny and a great read that will restore some faith in the medical community. Dr. Youn isn't just a good doctor. He's a pretty entertaining writer as well. For more inspired posts, visit The bookclub site From Left to Write.
** I was given a copy of In Stitches by the publisher for review. All opinions are my own.

For Jennie on RHM

I don't always share here what I'm doing over at Right Hand Mom. But today, it is important. Please click and read.